Couples Therapy: 3 Best Ways to Deepen Your Relationship

Long-term relationships are not always sunshine and butterflies, especially when routine sets in, partners expectations change over time, and what first seemed like a never-ending attraction starts to fade away under stress, work requirements and outside circumstances that put pressure on the relationship.

Novelty always feels exciting and uplifting, whereas a steading relationship requires commitment, work and intention. Once the rose-colored glasses are off and chemistry fades, it’s time to ask the deeper questions.

Not every couple requires therapy to „fix“ the relationship. Often it’s the intention to sit down with each other and speak about pressing issues without projecting on each other that can majorly shift the energy between both and take an unnoticed weight away.

Conscious Communication: Say what’s on your heart

One way to do this is through conscious communication. Set a specific time for this with your partner and agree that both will listen attentively to each other without interrupting or judging what’s being said.

  1. Start with expressing appreciation for the good things you share. Make your partner feel welcome and appreciated.
  2. Let him/her speak what’s on their heart and practice Deep Listening. Empty mind, open ears. Receive. No need to jump to conclusions, problem solving or blaming mode. Just listen.
  3. Repeat what you just heard from your partner, and make sure they agree that you got everything the way they intended to
  4. Now share your part of the story, your partner just listens
  5. After you have finished, they repeat what they heard, and you give feedback if they heard you right

This technique is very simple, but tremendously helpful to hear your partner the way they intend to. It often releases hidden resentment, unspoken beliefs and projections both have on each other and therefore brings you back to what’s underneath: understanding.

Playdates: Remember to have fun!

To connect more with your inner child and the inner child of your partner, schedule playdates where you play and explore each other in a non-serious way! This could be free-form dance with contact improv elements, a Minigolf excursion, blindfolded exploring the room and each other, or an art class!

Choose whatever get’s you out of the daily routine, sparks your interest, it not very serious, and get’s you out of your comfort zone just a little bit.

Partner Massage: Connect non-verbally

Non-verbal communication is a powerful way to connect with the energy of your partner, intuitively give love through conscious touch, and bond beyond words through presence. Presence in this sense means that you „read“ your partner and pay extra attention to what feels pleasant to them (by the body relaxing and the breathing deepening), what you feel intuitively called to do, and how they give you feedback.

Ideally, you are so tuned in to each other that the giving person follows „the energy“. That can be an impulse or inner knowing how to touch their partner in ways they might not have known before, or planned at all. The idea is the act free of mind, and from full presence, perceiving what is right for the partner, not what the giver „wants to do or thinks is good to do“.

The less thinking is involved, and the more meditation in movement is spontaneously happening, the greater the relaxation – and love received.

Are you ready to deepen the connection to your partner? Check out my Coaching Program tailored to your specific needs!